Hello, how are you? I have called you to this e-meeting to discuss with you the truth. Since your illegal conception you were raised to believe a lie. You see,
Dinosaurs are not real. They never existed. Not even for a second. I have proof.
There, I've told you. Now take a few breathes as I believe this would be hard for you to take in. So, where to begin right? I mean, to come to terms with the fact that something in your life that has always been there will soon be revealed as a god damn filthy lie in the highest degree. That's kind of like seeing your father in a skirt, or pants if he's Scottish.
Dinosaurs are about as real as dragons which are as real as a piece of dog shit that tastes fantastic. They're all lies. Oh I hear you. You want to know who told these lies. You did. Your mother did. Your favourite dino-metal band did. Even Jerry Seinfeld('s friend Wayne Knight) did. We're all guilty. We can't help it. Dinosaurs are a part of our DNA. Okay okay, I get where you're coming from. There's no need to get pushy. Yes, of course Truckasaurus on The Simpsons is real. Realer than real dinosaurs. If you actually had the tools you could build a Truckasaurus. Matt Groening did.
You want proof? LOOK AT THESE FUCKING THINGS!!!
This is what you call an ELEPHANT. This elephant tragically ran through a yellow screen-door.
This is a SHARK which has evolved two (2) things. The ability to have legs and a taste of lipstick.
Scientists. Men of science. These "scholars" believe this (above) to be a homosexual dinosaur. Notice the way they made it's teeth "bent". Look at the cute look they put in it's eye. This the work of scientists so stupid they can't even find their way out of a closet.
Enough images for now. The sight of these things is starting to worry me for the future of humani..
WHAT WAS THAT SHOW? LOOK AT HIS HEAD. IT'S LIKE SLIMER FROM THE GHOSTBUSTERS IS SLOWLY DIGESTING A WATERMELON.
Okay that's really it with the pictures for now. We have more important things to talk about. Like what are you going to tell your children? This is serious, like the time you had to tell them they wouldn't see much of you for a little while. Oh wait, you didn't even do that. You just fucked off to Cairns! Oh.
The people that have been in charge of the dinosaur lore (or dinolore) for the past 50 years are primarily scientists. You know the type. They're in the movies all the time. They're meek gentlemen who ask for nothing more than time to fuck around with things they think are important like Linux or global warming. They'd work for calculators if it were legal to pay these beasts in calculators. Once a scientist has had an "article" published they tend to grow an ego. It's more of a silent ego really - if one exists. They're a wimpy scientist. They never say anything about it, but in 1943 after they stole the concept of "graphs" from the fallen Nazi party, 2 american scientists began to employ a series of power-plays that would change the dinosaur forever. In the scientist world - the bigger a thing you discover, the more badass you are.
Needless to say, if you outdid the guy that discovered the last one you got all the 'props'.
There's more to come. My brain just stopped working.